The Dentist

If you're ever up at 3:00 am watching television and you see this movie title, just turn your television off and go to bed.  Don't be like me and get drawn into watching this, especially if you regularly visit your dentist.  The plot involves a dentist, played by Corbin Bernsen (who I only can visualize as Roger Dorn from Major League) who has these hallucinations and sees his patients' teeth as way more jacked up than they are.  The result... you go in for a routine cleaning... you come out with teeth looking like dingy piano keys.

 

Before

After

 

So of course everytime I go to the dentist, the thought of this movie comes into my head and makes me a little nervous.  I had to go to the dentist for my routine cleaning this week and for some reason, the guy who usually cleans my teeth wasn't there.  In fact, the receptionist wasn't there either... just a woman in a white coat asking me to come on back and get relaxed.  So with 911 on speed dial I sat down in the chair with my thumb hovering over my IPhone (not literally, but I had a planned escape route) and proceeded to get my pearly whites bufffed up.

All went well, I didn't have any cavities, and I managed to make it out of there with all 32 of my teeth (and no pending lawsuits).  My one negative piece of feedback had to do with the following item:

I grind my teeth at night and my dentist has required me to wear this mouth guard when I go to sleep (so I don't flatten my teeth out).  I don't even know why I agreed to have my mouth molded for this thing, knowing that I wouldn't wear it.  It's super annoying, uncomfortable, and most important it's the most unattractive thing ever.

Now you might say... "well you're just sleeping in it, so why does it matter?"  Well, I don't plan on sleeping alone for the rest of my life.  I mean, I actually prefer (I'm assuming most of us do) a steady bedroom companion.  I can't think of anything that would kill the mood more than hearing me say... "baby wait, I need to take out my mouf - peeth."  YEAH... It makes you talk like that.

Someone invent a less intrusive product so I can keep my teeth and not have to sacrifice unplanned play-time.  So I'm going to bed with my night guard locked and loaded tonight, because I remember how I cried (23 years ago) when i got my first and only cavity.  Ever since then I've been a super-brusher.  I even managed to keep my cavity-free streak through five years without a trip to the dentist.  I can't imagine what my reaction would be if I end up wearing my teeth down to the nerves.

With that, I'll leave you with the mix that describes a few of the emotions that go along with going to the dentist.  Brush & Floss Mix