You know where this is going. Not too long ago, I made a move from San Francisco back down to the peninsula to save a little cash and be closer to work. I mapped out every scenario and weighed the pros and cons of moving back to the peninsula and still decided that it would be best for me. I was happy with my decision until I realized one thing. I would be forced to deal with the company that has caused more people to slit their wrists in agony while on the phone with one of its trained professionals... COMCAST. Mind you, I had my issues with AT&T U-Verse, but they were at least easy to talk to on the phone when I had an issue (which was about once a week). My first task - Get a cable card for my TiVo HD.
I will spare you the details of what it took to actually get the card (20 mile drive to the "nearest" Comcast location and calling my landlord to recite the last four of his SSN two times). So I get home eager to pop in the cable card and get it paired with my TiVo HD. I call and deal with the voice recognition prompter that can't understand a damn thing I'm saying, and only gives me an option to enter the telephone number where the service is located (WELL WE DON'T HAVE A PHONE NUMBER). Finally it asks me if I want to enter my account number (of course I know this by heart). After pressing "0#" like eight times, I get transfered to a live person. This would have been awesome, except I must have had my call answered by the dumbest of all of the dumb customer service employees in all of cable television. Yes... THE ENTIRE WORLD OF CABLE TELEVISION. Maybe they figured because I couldn't follow the directions on the phone that they would pair me with someone of equal mental capacity. Here's how the call went.
Cable Dude: "Thank you for calling Comcast...what can I do for you today"
Me: "I'd like to get my cable card connected to my TiVo."
Cable Dude: "Ok, well do you have a TiVo?"
Me: "Yes I do" (but thinking I should have said.. No, dumbass, I just called and thought it would be a funny prank to play on you)
Cable Dude: "Well I need your data and host number so I can help you."
Me: "It's not showing up on the screen. Should I restart my system?"
Cable Dude: "Yes. While you do that, can I put you on hold?"
Me: "Sure." (as I restart my system)
So I proceed to restart my system which takes about five minutes, and about four mintues into the wait the cable dude lets me know that I should call back after I get the numbers.
Me: "Um... can you just wait one more minute. I don't want to have to go back through that automated system."
Cable Dude: "We're really busy here and I need to get off the phone"
Me: "Well, can you at least let me know if I can bypass the automated system?" (thinking... Yeah.. you're busy dealing with a customer who needs help)
Cable Dude: "I just work here, I've never actually called Comcast, so I don't know."
Me: "Ok it's cool, man. I'll just call back. (thinking... It's never the right answer to say... "I JUST WORK HERE" A simple "No" would have definitely keep my blood pressure below unsafe levels).
Cable Dude: "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Me: "Ummm, yeah. You can stay on the phone and... you know what... just forget it."
After two more calls to Comcast I finally got my cable card pair with TiVo and was able to view Sportscenter before going to bed. Damn, I should have pressed 1 to take the brief survey after my call. At any rate, I truly believe that Comcast's customer service mantra can be summed up very easily by the following illustration.
Comcast doesn't give a $hit about anyone. If there were an award for pissing people off, Comcast would be the undisputed champion of the universe. I have been working really hard at becoming a more forgiving and patient person, but these folks have led me to the conclusion that everyone in heaven has Direct TV. I have put Comcast employees on the same level as meter maids and people who kick dogs.
So while I'm forced to use Comcast as my cable provider for now,I can promise you (and I encourage all of you to do the same) that if given the choice, I will choose something else.
I urge you to take the time to listen to the mix for this one. It didn't take me long to find the songs that described the feelings about my relationship with Comcast.
