I get it... You're supposed to be funny. But there is a difference between being laughed at, and being able to make people laugh. I'd like to argue that The Tree excels in the former. As a graduate of Leland Stanford Junior University (organized 1891....GO CARDINAL!!!) I have had to defend The Tree on many occasions, but for what? First, of all, we are the Stanford Cardinal (the color not the bird, so if you see a lone Stanford person, or any number of Stanford people together, they are "CARDINAL" and not "CARDINALS" as many people mistakenly state), not the Stanford Trees. The tree is the band's mascot and I'm not even going to open the can of worms that is the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. :-) Since I am stuck with my outcast of an arboreal cousin, I believe it is my duty to give you the one hint that will keep other people from making fun of you (and me for being associated with you).
LEARN HOW TO DANCE!
I'm not talking about that hopping and twisting routine that you're known for (see below).
WTF WAS THAT??!!?? Everyone watching is now a worse dancer having viewed that video. You are awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. - 0/10
A mascot should really be able to dance. In fact I'd like to argue that there is nothing more funny than dancing mascots. Something about all that plush fabric moving rhythmicly makes the corners of my mouth reach for the sky. To show you what I mean, I've added some examples, scored on a 10pt scale. Watch all of them and if you are not smiling by the end there is an icebox where your heart used to be.
Well look at that... A little rythym, plus bonus points for the robot (even if you're a cell phone) - 7/10
I don't know many people in real life that can dance this well. Bonus for the crumpin' - 9.5/10
Apparently, the food sucks at Jollibee, but if they promise this dancing mascot will be there, I'd do all three meals there. A dancing bee with flirtatious facial expressions - 10/10
So I hope that this note reaches this year's Tree. I've even provided you with a mix to get you started - Dance Tree Dance Mix
Put that on, go in your room, and practice... HARD.
