Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a horrible act, but it is one instance where the double standard works in a woman's favor. You see, it's never funny when a dude halls off and hits a woman, but if a girl winds up a connects on a dude, it's instantly hilarious. So you might ask why in the world is the the topic today....??? Well, I was trying to check on this up and coming hip hop artist Charles Hamilton, who I've been feeling ever since I first heard the single BROOKLYN GIRLS. Since he doesn't get many spins on the west coast, I often try and search for any new stuff he's put out online. Though the dude has skills, he's been getting bombed over the internet for stealing beats and an incident of domestic violence. But he hasn't put his hands on anyone. He got straight popped in the jaw for getting a little too personal in a rhyme battle. See video below -

I almost swallowed my gum when I was watching this (especially the slow-mo shot). Then I thought back to a time when I too got stole on by and girl and everyone laughed.

I was in the 9th grade and Nadia Martinez (yes I'm putting your name out there) was walking down the aisle in my english class. My elbow grazed against her stomach (she was like 7 months pregnant.... yes in the 9th grade) and she turned and yelled, "M@*#er F@*#ker you hit my stomach!" She cocked back and snuck me with a right cross in my left eye. So what the hell was I supposed to do? Her boyfriend was in the class, she's was a girl, and she was pregnant. So I had to take it like a champ (or chump) and just say the I was sorry. They just sent her to the office, while I had to finish the class pretending not to hear the snickers and the whispers of "DAAAAAAAAMN!"

What makes this story even more interesting is this girl was MY girlfriend the year before all this happened (and NO, the baby was not mine as I wasn't getting down like that in the 8th grade). Later on that year in the same class I got into an situation with another girl who later asked me to the prom. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS LITTLE BOYS WHO TRIED TO FIGHT GIRLS THEY LIKED!!?!!

Anyway, the point is that I feel Charles Hamilton's pain... but that doesn't keep me from laughing at him for getting stole on for running his mouth. Best believe as soon as the bell rang someone ran into the hall and yelled, "Nadia whooped DeRonnie's ass in class, yall!!"

So if you end up in this same situation your best course of action is just to turn the other cheek, call some of your girl cousins, and tell them that if they don't get her back for you that you are gonna tell their mom about those dudes they had over while she was out of town (that's purely hypothetical). If your assailant is preggo like mine was, then you just gotta chalk it up as a loss.

Despite being hit for no reason, I do believe that I learned a valuable lesson that day. Don't think that she won't hit you, just cause you're a dude. Ask John Bobbitt if he doesn't wish he hadn't underestimated his wife (and people laughed at that, didn't they).

Now I'm not saying that it should be funny when dudes go off on women. I'm just saying, ladies... y'all got this one. So to all the ladies that read this... if you ever have the urge to punch a dude, put on this mix and it might put you over the top. PUNCH HIM MIX

If you wan to see the scene video of the scene sampled into the mix, check the video below. See if you can spot Charlie Murphy.

 

 

If you haven't seen it, rent Harlem Nights!!!

How One Hour Can Change Your Life.... FOREVER!!!

In an effort to get more out of my day I've elected to start getting into the office early.  I now leave my house at 5:50am and hop on the 6:11am train down to the office (I used to take the 7:14am train).  I know it sounds brutal, but I love getting home at 5:00pm and feeling like I have an entire evening ahead of me.  I've also been able to be super productive at work and really put my head down to get some things done.  Not to mention the trains are less packed during my travel times!!!  After a week of getting used to the early start, I'm able to make it though the day without feeling like I'm about to nod off.

Well of course, it all can't be good.  I can deal with my 9:30 pm bedtime, ironing my clothes the night before work, and even showering at night rather than in the morning.  What I can't deal with is what I saw yesterday morning on my early walk to the train. The image has been burned into my head and haunts me every corner I turn.... Let me set the stage for you.

As I'm turning on Townsend apporaching 2nd street on my way to the Caltrain. I see something weird up ahead near the corner.  It looks like a man hiding behind one of those voltage/power boxes on the street.  See picture below.

So the guy would actually have been looking at the camera from this angle, but hiding behind the green box.  There is actually a great deal of cover around him.  A large building to the right, some bollards and trees to the left, but there isn't anything shielding the rear.  This is the angle that I approached from (see below):

So I'm thinking... it is windy out here... maybe he is just behind this thing to block the wind.  As I got closer I could see that dude was not hiding from the wind.  He was taking a shit on the damn sidewalk!!!!  His bare ass was out and he was copping a squat.  I actually witnessed a grown man defacating (something that I thought I'd never see in my life.... and never wanted to see).  I don't even think I'd want to watch myself drop a load let alone watch someone else do it.

Now part of me wanted to pull out the old trusty IPhone and send a photo straight to Facebook & Twitter, but I figured that would gross everyone out, and I guess the guy deserved a little privacy.  For some strange reason I thought he might get angry and fling some shit my way, so I passed on the photo opportunity.  Nonetheless, he had to know that his stealth shitting scheme had been thwarted, so when I walked by him I looked him in the eye.  This dude had the nerve to look at me like, "WHAT??!!?? You ain't never seen a grown man take a shit on the sidewalk before??" In his defense, he had put a tarp down so he wouldn't get the sidewalk messy.  I guess that's the least he could do.

So I continued on my voyage to the train with my stomach in a knot at this point.  Before I could cross the street, a woman jogged past me in his direction.  I couldn't think of any way to warn her, but I sure was interested in seeing her reaction.  So I turned around and watched as this woman went from a light jog to a full on sprint, looking back over her shoulder as if she had seen a ghost.  PURE COMEDY.

Just as I am, that woman is forever scorned.  Not much else to say on that story except EWWWWW!!!  I swear I couldn't make this stuff up.  I have now shared with you the nastiest thing that I've ever witnessed to this point.  I've seen a dead body... I was on a BART train where a guy threw up all over three other passengers.... I've even seen someone have a compound tib/fib fracture in a football game, and none of those compared to what I saw yesterday morning.  May none of you ever have the misfortune of witnessing that first hand.

So I had to get a bit creative on the mix for this one.  I auditioned a lot of songs for this mix.  Some of the ones that didn't make the cut: Devin the Dude - Boo Boo'n, Snoop - Drop It Like It's Hot, O.D.B. - Dog Shit

Nonetheless, I think the Mierda Mix tells the story very well.  I might have to go back to my regular work schedule if this is the type of stuff i'll be seeing early in the morning.

Finger Lickin' Good

Sorry to take such a long break from the blog.  As you all know I went back to office life and I had to adjust.  In addition, I had a bunch of gigs where I had to break down my equipment and I was too lazy to set it back up.  I hope I can make it up to you by sending you into the weekend with my return.

So a topic that has been getting a lot of attention lately is fast food fried chicken.  My beloved Chic-Fil-A managed to stay out of the news, but KFC and Popeyes had people wildin' out of late.  It's amazing what a little advertising can do.  BUT WHO WINS THE BATTLE BETWEEN KFC AND POPEYES?? Let's use the following stories to determine the most sought after fast food chicken.

In Minnesota, there was outrage and law enforcement had to be called in when the only Popeye's in Minnesota would not fulfill the nationally advertised $4.99 bucket of chicken special.  See story below:

"That's alright, though... We'll go to KFC!"  Wait a minute.  If you haven't heard KFC ran a special on its new grilled chicken.  So special that Oprah told all of her viewers to download a coupon for a free... YES FREE, Two-piece with two sides and a biscuit.  Oprah shut down KFC as people ran in droves to the chain, milking its chicken supply nationwide.  See story below:

So which fried chicken has the most crazed fans?

 

Wait for it....

 

Wait for it......

 

 

I have to give it to Popeye's!!  I mean... Oprah could have people lined up ouside of my door waiting for some chicken if she chose to broadcast it.  I think we all knew this anyway because nobody has ever been robbed for the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices.  OH YOU HAVEN'T HEARD???!!??

Well let me point you to Jacksonville, Florida where someone was jacked for some of that good ole' Popeye's.  Story below:

"YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS???!!!??"  How about..."come up offa that two-piece." Or better yet, "I want your wings, breast, thighs, and drumsticks in the bag or I'll shoot!" Or maybe even, "This is a Two-Eleven on your $4.99, fool!"  I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but someone took Biggie a bit too seriously when he rhymed "when it's time to eat a meal, I rob and steal."  Thieves need to have a code of ethics like Omar from The Wire. You don't rob people for their chicken.  That's just plain silly....But then again, it is Popeye's.  I mean... I've intentionally taken American Airlines through DTW instead of ORD (on trips from the West to the East Coast) because there is a Popeye's in the American terminal at DTW.

So to get inside the mind of someone who plots to rob and steal, I came up with the robbery soundtrack comprised of some of my favorite songs about taking other people's stuff.  If I were gonna rob someone, this is the music I'd play in the car before doing it.  ;-)

Break Yo'self Mix

Of course this one has explicit lyrics.  Otherwise, it would be ASKING them for their stuff.

Welcome Back!!!

As of today I've end my extended "work from home after knee surgery" period.  No more funny knee-bending machines to hook up to for 6hrs/day.  All I have now is 2x/week of physical therapy, and a will to dunk a basketball to get me well.  i'd have to say that I'm more freaked out about how I will fair during my first week back in the office more than anything that has to do with my knee.  I try and get to work at 8am or 9am (depending on which train I catch in the morning).  To achieve this I need to wake up about 2 hours before my intended arrival in the office.  For the past 6 weeks if I wanted to start work at 9am I could wake up at 8:55am (just enough time to freshen up, strap into the machine, and open my laptop).

Working from home for a little over a month has convinced me that it's better to work virtually.  Offices are soooo 1990's (especially when the majority of your job is done through email and phone communication).  Why not lease out that office space to some other company that hasn't figured it out yet?  Of course there are times when you need to be face to face with your colleagues, but let's reserve a conference room, meet, and go back home (or better yet, I'll see you at Starbucks).

Since I mentioned Starbucks, I have to figure out how to fight my extreme fatigue this week.  i don't want to be one of these folks:

Which brings me to one of my best "being tired at work" stories ever.  The summer before my freshman year at Stanford, I got a job working at Dow Chemical Plant in Midland, MI.  My job was to label pipes in this enormous plant.  I would put stickers labeled "Hot Water--> or Nitrogen -->" on a pipe and follow it throughout the entire buliding from source to desitination, labeling along the way.  I made a whopping $400/week doing this (which at one point I thought... why should I go to college when i can make this money right now? - I know... I know... ).  This job was EXTRA BORING.  I mean it was fun for about 20 minutes and then i would get bored and tired.  So since there were only two of us in the entire plant, and my job was about as important as refilling the coffee pot, I would go into the bathroom and take naps.  I'd basically sit on the toilet with my coveralls down on the floor, perch my head on my hands with my elbows on my knees and simply fall asleep.

I KNOW THIS IS BAD, BUT IT WAS LIKE 13 YEARS AGO, AND I'M DEFINITELY ASHAMED OF THIS STORY!!

One of these days i actually fell asleep for 90 minutes!!!  I woke up, looked at my watch and couldn't believe that I had taken an official full-blown nap sitting on a toilet.  Feeling fully refreshed, I went to get back to line labeling and fell on the floor as I tried to get up.  My legs had fallen asleep and I was forced to do a dead-man's crawl around the bathroom (Imagine how Rick James' legs felt after Charlie and Eddie Murphy beat on his legs for stomping their couch).  Of course this would be the one time that the other guy who worked in the concert arena-sized plant would choose to come into the bathroom.  His words..."Stanford, huh?!?"

VERY EMBARRASSING!!

So I got to Stanford and Dr. Dement taught me that drowsiness is RED ALERT!!! Anyone who has taken Sleep & Dreams at Stanford knows what I'm talking about.

My biggest foe this week will once again be fatigue.  If I've been in the bathroom too long, someone come and check on me (yeah... maybe I should not be allowed to work at home).  This mix is just to say that I'm back.  Back 2 The Office Mix

 

Swine Flu... who's to blame?

Please excuse the picture, but my boy sent me this with the following message:

In conjunction with recent warnings about contracting and transmitting swine flu, it is recommended that the following activity(ies) be avoided:

I'm not sure how this thing got started, but swine flu mania is sweeping the nation.  Pretty soon they will be selling t-shirts of this guy (follow I Am The Swine Flu on twitter at http://twitter.com/IAmTheSwineFlu) big ups to dcbanks for putting me up on this:

The fact of the matter is, people are getting sick and this year we're blaming it on pigs.  A couple years ago we picked on birds when the Avian flu was the big craze.  Flash back a couple years before that and we were putting it off on cows.  Hmmm see a pattern developing? Pork, Poultry, Beef.... what's left???

I'm predicting that in 2011, we'll witness the fish flu pandemic.  NO SWIMING IN NATURAL BODIES OF WATER!!!  Now I'm no animal specialist (I've never even owned a dog), but humans blaming things that can't stick up for themselves just doesn't seem fair to me.  It's the classic "dog ate my homework" excuse.   I'm betting that somewhere down the line, some human did something that caused all of this.  Ever think that these animals got together and devised a plan to get us back for injecting them with hormones and keeping them cooped up?

Maybe they decided to stop hating on one another...

And banded together to get us all back...

Just a theory ;-)

This is a word to all animals.... DJ 2degrees has never hurt any edible animals that weren't already dead.  I should get animal flu immunity.  So this mix is a compilation of some great songs that deflect blame.  Let's be a little more accountable.  BLAME GAME Mix - (No animals were harmed during the making of this mix).